The Irremediable Discontent of Overachievers
I have a fairly counterintuitive approach to personal growth, because I don't think that the kind of growth that amounts to much is often achieved through practicing contentment chasing zen. There is a lot to be said for the peaceful warrior approach, the Confucian following of "The Way" which alleges to move with the rhythm of the cosmos to gently lead situations to an appropriate result. Yet that is merely a tool (weapon?) in one's arsenal. Whether peaceful or not, friction and dynamism are necessary to enact change. Some people crave it, but none of us are really used to it.
Get promoted at your workplace and you may find new friends and new enemies you never knew you had. Find a new partner, or lose one, and notice how this ripples through the rest of your social circle. Torture your body to gain muscle, or torment your brain to earn a degree. Change is seldom easy, but the results are, for many of us, worth it.
But in the end, we basically do what we want to do. We make the choice to dedicate ourselves to some pursuit, or not. We change our bodies, jobs, and lives, because we believe it is worth the pain and uncertainty we experience in doing so. Or, we find contentment without needing to reach for unseen heights.
Say what you will, but I deem that nobody falls backwards into greatness. Even so, is greatness worth the price it exacts from us to achieve it? The monkish devotion required to achieve greatness in any pursuit can cost us whatever contentment we might have had otherwise. Then should we accede to a hollow list of achievements occupying space where a human used to be? Do we become a resume, proving that we can run a rat race we never asked to be in, faster than everyone else?
Some of us do. But even if we are drawn by nobler intentions to pursue our goals, there will be pain and sacrifice involved. There will be long days and nights, and many people will understandably wonder why we torment ourselves in pursuit of our goals. Why can't we simply enjoy life instead of creating extra labor for ourselves?
They're not wrong, and neither are the overachievers. The biggest spoiler for the overachiever is, of course, that attaining their goals won't make them happy either. As evidently true as this is, modern societies do a lot to quell that notion because it is a bleak and unproductive outlook. It tends to an inward contentment opposed to industry; this is why we should all find work that we love so that we can work all of the time.
So, what am I saying here? Should we tune in, turn on, and drop out? That kind of runs against the whole message of this blog. But we should be intentional with our devotions. Be the master of your own life, because you will be held responsible for it regardless. You are free - and obligated - to choose which battles are worth fighting.
Find your fire, your courage, your devotion. Nail down these aspirations with battle-born discipline. But also pick your battles, or run the risk of dancing on puppet strings you never had the presence of mind to tug at.
How many of us have wasted time and emotion on internet arguments over politics? A useless contest with no reward. Or, how many of us are burdened with perfectionism, a sometimes-debilitating disorder which usually tends to doing nothing at all, because nothing can be done perfectly. How many overachieving students wind up living anonymous lives despite "most likely to achieve" monikers heaped on them for doing what they're told better than other students? And what of the college dropouts who became billionaires?
I'm not saying to emulate these behaviors. I'm also not saying to NOT emulate them if you believe enough in your own plans and abilities. But I am saying there is a lesson to be learned. Dropping out of Harvard illustrated in the life of Mark Zuckerberg that he was pursuing a different course that meant more to him than the one he was on.
He saw the novel he was writing, and not just the chapter he was in. He had the presence of mind to see that with academics he was running a race that ultimately he did not need to win, or even finish. And instead replaced this with an endeavor he chose for himself, much to his future fame and fortune.
How often do we fail to learn from these examples? How often do we complain of being stuck in jobs we hate, but also seethe with envy at our colleague being promoted before us? Had someone in this situation done a little soul searching beforehand, they might have had the good sense to quit their hated occupation and run a race they wanted to be in.
But that requires an uncommon level of humility. To forfeit the match and accept your opponent's ostensible victory and your ostensible defeat is no easy task for a motivated personality type. But this flexibility is crucial to achieving your real goals, because if you don't direct your passions, then others will direct them for you.
There are infinite battles to be waged, but only 24 hours in any day. Fight the good fight and rest when it counts. And if you find yourself chasing empty accolades toward oblivion, have the humility to course-correct. No growth will happen in your life without pain and effort, but it's also true that pain and effort do not always amount to growth. Winning 100 battles is immaterial if you lose the one victory you truly wanted.
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